I think we have all felt lonely at some point in our lives.

 

Especially as men get older, they are more likely to feel isolated in our society.

As they get older, after a considerable amount of time has passed since they entered the workforce, age and position may get in the way, and they may not be able to behave as well as they used to, or they may even feel like that they are no longer taken seriously by others.

 

Unlike women, men are not good communicators.

After graduating from school and starting work following your career, it is difficult to make good friendships and to have someone to talk deeply with, so they often go out on the town or on trips by themselves.

When I was living in Japan, I worked in the hospitality industry, such as a hairstylist, clothing stores, and bars, so I talked with other staff and also customers, became friends with them, and went on trips with them, so I rarely felt lonely in terms of human relationships.

After coming to the U.S., even if I made friends here, they would soon go back to their home countries, and even if I made friends with Americans, they would all get married and have children in their late 30s, so I was often too uncomfortable to ask them to my house party or dinner.

Because I had heard from my parents that it was very difficult after having a child, and that is one of the reasons why I became more and more reluctant to invite my friends.

On the other hand, when I started to hang out with young people, I found myself communicating with them on social networking such as Instagram and Twitter, and I felt that I was not able to go out in-person with them and felt less chance to meet people in the real world.

 

So I thought I would share my mindset from my isolation on how we can enjoy and enrich our lives even in such a situation for a man who is in late 30’s.

 

If you ever feel alone and helpless, I hope you can find a way to alleviate that feeling.

I would be happy to work with you on this issue so that you can somehow alleviate the situation and endure the feelings until they pass.

 

This article is for:

• If you are feeling lonely.
• Those who are always alone. Those who like to be alone.
• You feel that you don’t have many chances to hang out with your friends these days.
• Those who feel isolated in our society because they cannot communicate well with others.

This article will be for men who feel isolated in our society.

Especially, I would especially like to talk about loneliness felt by men in their late 30’s and older.

 

Loneliness is that I can assure you that it is the most fearful thing in the world.

Money, gorgeous cars such as Ferrari, status, and honor are all very attractive to men, but in reality, none of these things will necessarily make you happy if you ultimately feel loneliness.

 

I, too, have had my own experiences with interpersonal relationships that were strained because I felt “lonely.”

Since I am always with my computer and often do something alone, I have very few conversations a day compared to when I was in the customer service industry in Japan.

Maybe because of this, sometimes when I go out for coffee at a café, I try my best to talk with the cashier and other customers, but my voice doesn’t come out as well as usual at those times. I thought it was strange and wondered why I could not speak well with them, but then I realized that I was feeling something like “frightened” because I was having extremely less face-to-face communication than before.

 

And I’ve found that when I have extremely few interpersonal interactions with people.

Even just going to a store and ordering a cup of coffee, I would feel uncomfortable with people and act frightened or unsure when communicating with them. This makes them nervous too at the cash register and I don’t know what to say to the person they are talking to.

Even ordering a cup of coffee, which anyone would think is easy, I thought, was becoming strange in tone and volume, and my face was becoming stiff, not smiling, and gloomy.

If I could get someone to take a video of me ordering coffee, I would probably be able to see myself in that situation with a horrible face.

I thought that maybe I looked as bad person.

 

Isolation makes us fearful of interpersonal relationships.

Being alone makes you like being more alone. Or rather, it can be said that I am forced to do so because I am alone a lot. This is true even if you are a sociable person by nature. I was like that myself.

Sometimes I try to go to parties and make new friends like I used to do, but on Friday and Saturday nights, it becomes too much of a hassle and I end up staying home alone, having a drink and watching a movie.

I don’t even go camping or on vacations with someone else; I plan everything by myself. In fact, I feel more comfortable being alone.

 

I was a little afraid to get involved with other people after I felt lonely.

And also I learned that loneliness is a very dangerous thing,

However, I became aware of many things with it, and  so I changed my way of thinking and realized that I was not the only one who was feeling alone.

 

Yes, you are not the only one who is alone.

 

If there is anyone out there who is feeling lonely right now, please consider that there is already one person here who is feeling lonely.

 

Isolation is felt by everyone.

 

It is the same for your Instagram friends who seem to be content, and it is the same for those of you who have wives and husbands and are married. They are just under the mistaken impression that I am not lonely because I have so many friends around me. In reality, we are all individual creatures, there is loneliness, so it doesn’t change if you have friends who will listen to you or not.

You need to think that you are not alone in this situation, that you have no friends, that you have no one to talk to, that everyone has gone away.

 

I have come to see everyone around me as a friend. That may be an exaggeration, but it is true. And not only people, but also dogs, nature, and everything else around me became my friends. And I realized that I, myself, is the best friends of mine.

 

So be friends with yourself.

 

To talk to yourself. This is the best mindset to overcome loneliness.

And you will not go away forever. you will be with you until you die.

 

You may think this is stupid and that you can’t change the situation, but the feeling of loneliness is a situation created by your brain. You can change it even now. It is all possible through dialogue with yourself.

And know that it all depends on you.

 

To have a dialogue with yourself, you need to know that we are all alone. This is the first thing you need to accept. “Oh, everyone feels loneliness sometimes, it’s not just me.” And feel it.

Once you accept it, it will feel right. And next, don’t be fooled by Instagram and the like. We don’t know what’s really behind their good photos. It is normal to post only good and fulfilling photos, and no one would post a photo of a sad, or lonely person.

 

The Internet has made it easier for people to contact each other, but they don’t seem to be connecting with people and having real conversations where they can really get to know each other.

So people’s sense of isolation grew bigger and bigger.

When you think about it, the people you pass on the street who are strangers are actually suffering from the same thing.

 

Just thinking about it makes me feel more kind to those around me.

I began to wonder why I had been so afraid to talk to other people.

By talking to myself, I have learned that other people feel the same way. And I realized that I am the one and only person with whom I can have the best conversation.

 

This has made me stronger against the loneliness that the human world creates.

I think it might be a good idea to take a break from Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and all the other communication tools of modern society for a moment and just think about it. Then take a little walk and go to a nearby café where you will find many people around you. Yes, you are not alone who feel loneliness.

I still consider myself a work in progress when it comes to loneliness, but I am much less alone and feel worthless than I did a short time ago.

Yes, I no longer feel worthless.

 

Since I started to talk to myself, I recognize my own existence as my lifelong friend.

I have come to believe that just being on this earth is worth it.

 

Please have a conversation with yourself.

It may sound silly to try this out of the blue, but it really does work against loneliness.

 

The way to do it is simple: just constantly ask yourself questions about everything you do.

Do I want something to eat? What do I want to do? Where do I want to go? What do I enjoy? What do I like? Just ask yourself questions like these. Just get to know yourself and do what you want to do for yourself, just as you would do for your friends. Whatever you do, live honestly with yourself.

 

When you neglect yourself, you begin to separate from yourself and feel isolated with your soul.

This is what I have experienced and is actually the most dangerous.

You need to realize that it’s not that you don’t have friends, it’s that you can’t be yourself anymore and you are interacting less and less with the people around you.

 

I was constantly comparing myself to those around me, and was also being misled and manipulated by various information that was an external factor without even trying to learn about myself.

 

What is information that is an external factor? It is what can be called a happy situation by social standards, as often seen on Instagram and other sites.

It is information about money, nice cars, honor, status, power, lovers, happily married people, and so on. In the first place, all of this ceases to relate directly to ourselves when we die.

No matter what we did, when we die we are alone.

 

 

 

When you focus on these things that are determined to be good by the standards of those around you, you become separated from yourself, i.e., you cannot see what you like to do or what you want to do, and furthermore, you have nothing to do. You don’t enjoy what you are doing. You create this situation for yourself.

They feel that they are not worth living, and they feel extremely lonely.

 

Therefore, if you feel that you are not worth living, please face yourself first and try to fix that separation a little bit at a time. You just haven’t been able to do what you really want to do until now. From now on, you will do it.

From the very beginning, you have a big friend called “yourself.” And when you are able to love your best friend (yourself), you will realize that the people around you are weak and lonely as well.

And when you are tolerant and kind to all situations, and know that everyone is in this together, you will not be afraid of interpersonal relationships.

 

Be kind to yourself, this is the most important thing.

By meeting and listening to yourself as a friend, you will begin to change your own way of thinking. You will start to think less about taking your own life because of loneliness, etc., as you did in the past. You will realize that as you get to know yourself better.

You will change to think that it is okay to do what you want to do now.

It is not too late for anything. You can enjoy hobbies such as surfing, fishing, guitar, etc. that you were too busy to do in the past.

Isn’t it one of the best things in life that you can do after you have learned many things as an adult?

If you know that emotions are created in the brain, and if you can set your mindset to make yourself happy, your life will become more enjoyable, even if only a little bit.

 

I hope you can be happy from now, and begins.

 

Thank you for reading.

 

ZenJin