Have you ever lived your life as if you were running away from people?

 

I have. It was a kind of social isolation.

There was a time when I avoided people like I avoided trying to talk to them. There was a time when I was good at making up walls.

There was a time when I was afraid to talk to people, partly because I felt that talking to people was a chore and partly because I was afraid.

Was there ever such a time in the past? Or maybe you are going through such a period right now.

If you know the reason why, you will understand why you are so afraid to talk to people.

 

In fact, there are two main reasons:

• Fear of rejection.
• You are letting yourself down.

It is only recently that I have come to realize that when I have experienced rejection, I begin to be extremely afraid that people will reject me again and again. When I was unaware of this before, I was pretending that it wasn’t working at all, or I was living my life thinking that it was okay.

Then, for about three years, I realized that I was getting less and less involved with people, and I became aware that something must have changed in me.

 

Then yesterday, I happened to have this conversation with my friend.

He told me that in the late 30s, all his friends who used to hang out with are now getting married and talking about their children, and that singles and those without children are starting to fall out of the loop.

 

I noticed a change in myself recently.

It reminded me of something I had been aware of for about three years, and that my friend was in that situation now.

 

I felt a sense of loneliness that I had not thought about at the time.

The desire for affection too., had begun to build a wall between me and others.

It was generated during that period.

 

I was beginning to distance myself from my friends because they were getting married, or were estranged because they were talking about their children.

and then,

Fear of being neglected.

I still despise myself, saying, “I am a loser who is not married and does not have children yet.”

 

Because of this condescending attitude toward myself, I became extremely afraid to talk to anyone.

I was also afraid that people around me would disappear anyway. It’s a waste of time to go out with them.

It was very easy for me to stay in my cave like that.

 

But when I realized that it was actually my subconscious that was doing so, I began to see myself as very funny.

 

I was so fragile. And I was hungry for love.

 

I was able to know this by thinking about myself and knowing which event had triggered it.

I had to take a hard look at that event and ask why I felt the way I did at the time. Why did I retreat into my shell or cave?

I thought about it all over again.

 

Twice in my life, I had felt rejected, or that I had been singled out, or humiliated. Maybe there have been more, but I feel that those events have made me feel like, “Oh, I can’t be bothered to interact with people anymore.” That is a shame.

You may not like the event, but remembering it makes you realize how little of a big deal it was.

 

In my experience.

The only time I have ever felt rejected was when I first came to the U.S., probably three years ago.

I am the kind of person who likes to talk to people, and I often talk to people I don’t know, even if they are sitting next to me or in a bar or something. However, I was completely stumped on several occasions. I felt humiliated on the spot. Maybe I wasn’t speaking well enough, or maybe the person was someone I didn’t want to talk to, or whatever the reason, rejection is a rare occurrence.

I’ve had some major heartbreaks, and I’ve never feared rejection from women, such as street pickups, but the reason why that event was so damaging to me is that it was a rejection of my very existence.

 

I felt humiliated.

 

I had never felt rejection before because people had been so good to me, and I was very fragile and easily hurt.

 

Thanks to taking the time to reflect on that event, I was able to become aware of my vulnerability.

When you become aware of your fragility, it is as if your old skin has peeled off.

I was able to lighten up naturally, and I am now able to talk to people without putting up walls like I used to.

 

If you are currently putting up walls and keeping people at a distance, I believe that the only way to solve this problem is to find out what caused you to withdraw into your shell or cave.

 

Once you think about it and know it.

You can know that every eventuality just happened out of necessity and nothing is being denied to you. In fact, you will realize that it is a very selfish way of thinking, and that it is more like I am denying myself than others have been denying me.

 

So really, the other person has nothing to do with it.

No matter how badly they talk about you, it is just how you feel about yourself.

 

By realizing this, you realize that it all depends on how you think.

No matter if they humiliated you or not.

 

I don’t care if I’m being shunned, or humiliated in front of other people.

It all depends on what you think you are doing.

It may or may not be true.

 

I didn’t ask the other person, so I don’t know if it is really true or not.

Yes, it is just dumping yourself.

 

I used to blame others when these situations of not trusting others occurred. He just doesn’t like me,” or “He’s racist,” or so on and on that I would blame the other person because of a race, or something else.

But that’s just blaming the person in your own brain.

In reality, you’re not listening to them and you’re probably mistaken.

When I think about it more and more, I realize that it’s silly to put up walls against people (and not try to enjoy relationships with them).

 

I am currently on my first trip to Alaska, and I feel that I am completely coming out of my shell and getting back to my normal self. Maybe this is why I planned this trip, to realize this.

 

There is nothing to fear.

If you can think of death first, you can manage to be human even people don’t like you or not.

You are creating such a situation and you are looking at it that way.

Even bullying is a way to get attention. So, be strong and be yourself. That way, everything will be manageable.

 

You have value.

You just have to stop thinking of yourself as worthless.

It may not be easy, but it is up to you.

 

In summary:

If you find yourself building walls in your relationships

First of all, you need to know the cause.

Once you know the cause, it is easy.

In fact, you are either mistaken yourself or you are just being condescending.

 

Let’s keep our heads up.

Everything is up to you.

If we feel dislike toward others, they will feel it too.

 

If you tear down the walls, you will have a truly enjoyable life.

Let’s tear down the walls.

 

ZenJin