I know that caring for others can be a very wonderful thing, but sometimes people sacrifice themselves.

For example,

They do things that they don’t really want to do, or they willingly do things that they don’t want to do in order to get the other person in a good mood. If you think of it as being compassionate, that is fine, but sometimes people seem to be overwhelming, so I wanted to write an article about this topic.

This article is about.

• Those who force themselves to do things for others, even things they don’t like to do.
• Those who are always tired when they go to gatherings of friends.
• Those who think they have to take care of others a lot.

This article is for those who are tired of any relationships.

I am sure you have experienced the feeling of being exhausted after going to a gathering.

Even if you know your friends well, you may feel a little stressed with thinking too much about taking care of others.

However, if you continue a relationship while ignoring your own feelings, it can cause a lot of stress.

This would be true not only for friends, but also for all relationships in love and at work.

The end result, there are two ways to go; break up with them, or become a victim of your own self-destruction.

I have always been told that I care a lot about other people, but recently I have been trying to take better care of myself, partly because of my recent move abroad, where it is now normal to speak my mind.

Perhaps because of this.

I have been told by some of my old friends that “you don’t care about people as much as you used to.” and I was a little depressed and sad.

Even though I don’t like to think my old self is better than now, and I want to think that I have grown up everyday and getting better and better. But when friends said that I have always taken it to care about everyone better than before, but you are a different person now that for me was pretty sad, and so that I am not able to be like that now anyway.

Well, but for me it was like I was cared for so unnormal and I wasn’t happy at all.

I was stressed, I drank too much, and I often went out of control.

Looking back, that was what I call “self-abuse” that came from self-sacrifice.

First of all, I was always in the habit of asking people’s faces, and I think I was liked by people more often than I am now. When I was young, I had many friends around me who cared and cared for me too, so perhaps I was able to spend my time without that much stress. Relationships in which people take care of each other are a common sight in Japan.

In Japan, it is very easy to live like that, and it is difficult to live without that skill.

For example, In Japan, If you are late, that is a big problem for social environments.
However, in other countries, it seems like being late is not a big problem sometimes.

When meeting with friends, almost no one arrives on time. I mean not everyone but some.

When I called them because they didn’t show up, they said they were taking a shower. Or, they have not even left the house yet, and the other party is waiting for them. They don’t think about such things. In other words, they live their lives on their own flow or time and so base their lives on what they think is good for them.

They don’t interfere with others or worry about small things. They are always smiling and seem to be at ease to be themselves.

A Japanese friend who has lived in the U.S. for a long time, told me that “You communicate like a woman” paying attention to the people around me. And that it may take a lot of energy to do it.

I have also been told that I am low and humble, which can be taken as a nice way of putting it, but I now feel that I’ve been under a lot of stress.

And to relieve that stress, I was never able to stop drinking, smoking, and other dependencies.

I realized that I had been harming my health for quite a long time.

If you are unable to stop using alcohol, cigarettes or drugs, stress is certainly the cause. The effect of stress on the brain is that it causes the brain to first seek pleasure (dopamine), which in turn causes a deficiency of serotonin (a hormone that can suppress stress). This triggers an electrical signal in the brain that makes you want to burn the stinky smoke again when you find yourself with a cigarette in your hand.

Why was I able to get rid of this dependence?

One of the reasons was that I cared too much about other people. and so I stop it.

Now that I don’t care about people so much, I don’t drink alcohol like crazy like I used to. So the dependence on alcohol and cigarettes was triggered by stress in relationships.

Of course, even though not all stress means that I care about that person, it is not wrong that it was one of the causes of stress in me.

So I began to think, “Wouldn’t it be best if I could care for others in a way of mine?”

That is, instead of trying to get people to like me, or I don’t need to think what people think about me, that is their part of things but not my part. So I should think that there is no perfect man for others.

Before, I was trying not to be rejected, and this made me tired of striving to be liked by others, and this led to a form of exhaustion.

Self-sacrifice and caring for others will make friends and people like you, but you may not like yourselves. And because of this loss of self-confidence, if the person around you is a taker, they will mount up against you.

As I used to do, I suppress my opinions out of concern for the other person instead of expressing my own, and this makes me feel more and more like my opinions are wrong, which in turn makes me dislike myself more and more.

Whether it is good or bad to be self-centered depends greatly on the situation, but the most important thing in my life is to live happily, and if this is at the expense of my happiness, I need to realize it one day and stop.

So I thought that I am currently learning the balance of building such relationships in the United States.

It is not easy to describe in a few words what the best way to have a relationship is, but there are many different forms and it is necessary to think about it from many different perspectives.

Sometimes you have to care about people.

On the contrary, sometimes it is necessary to value one’s own will without listening to the opinions of others.

However, if you can see in your behavior (smoking, excessive alcohol consumption, sex addiction, etc.) that you are sacrificing yourself (feeling tired, stressed, not liking the other person) and other negative feelings are coming out, you need to change your mindset.

Once you have distanced yourself from the other person, you can find your own better balance.

Your stress is a sign of help.

It is time for you to recognize the signs and change your behavior to make yourself happy.

You can only give free love when you can make yourself happy.

Self-sacrifice is not free love.

The value of your life is not only about actually caring about others, but also about accepting the changes in yourself, even if they have changed.

This is because by accepting your change, you will subconsciously realize that you now need help.

The brain is only controlling the stress of socializing in order to reduce stress levels and to keep you from turning to alcohol.

Please, don’t take it too hard.

You were and still are you, and you are just the way you are, and you have not lost your character.

Live your life by socializing with confidence.

As you do so, you will seek such relationships so that you can be aware of your changes and still be in balance with others.

A painful relationship will always turn out for the better.

Trust yourself, and if you find it a little painful, keep your distance.

Get the best balance in your life.

Thank you for reading.

ZenJin