The turning point that comes when you have time to be alone
It is really hot.
It is truly the height of midsummer.
I always feel very good in August, perhaps because it is also my birthday month.
I suddenly realized that since I wanted to change myself, whenever something happened to me, I had a dialogue with myself.
These are essential to truly changing your life.
In fact, after several years of asking myself the same question such as “Who I am? How do I live life?” over and over again, I have found that I always feel good.
At the same time, there are times when I am angry and sad, but the difference is that I feel more confident with all my negative emotions.
I am convinced that I have been believing like a fool for a long time that I could change my life by knowing myself.
What do you think it feels like when your life turns around?
It’s all about when you know yourself.
Some articles say that spiritual events happen when our lives turn around, but in fact, it is because we have come to know ourselves and feel everything “firmly”.
I used to be unable to notice when things were going to change, or when I was suddenly feeling something different, because I was too lazy to think deeply about what I needed to do. I was so busy doing this or that and that I didn’t even realize how lazy I was feeling or how I wasn’t feeling well at all.
Recently, however, I have come to truly feel this, and I feel that I am starting to take care of myself a little bit more.
What I want to say is; Are you being kind to yourself? Are you able to express yourself freely?
If you are not, please spend some time to be alone.
If you don’t know who you are, please make time to spend alone time to ask yourself questions such as “What do I want to do?” “how do I feel?” “Did I fully enjoy the moment?”
Since I came to the U.S., I have sometimes felt “Asian Hate” and have been in a bit of a shell. I experienced people not being kind to me, and I got scared.
By nature, or rather by personality (ENFP), I was always good at talking with friends and getting along with strangers everywhere, and I always liked to hang out with people and have home parties with friends over. But maybe a while ago, I started to go off into my own world, camping alone, going to the gym for discipline, reading books, and traveling by myself. I felt like I was out of the social circle with all my might.
My social event is that I talk to my family on the phone maybe once a week. That’s it.
To tell the truth, I was wondering if I was losing my usual sense of self. What I mean is that I couldn’t talk to them as casually as I used to.
I would normally be able to make friends easily at the gym, but I didn’t want to feel like talking at all. I didn’t feel like I was in the mood for anything, and somehow I thought I might be mildly depressed.
In the midst of all this.
There was a time when I felt bad that I was choosing to be alone, but I wondered if my going into my own time was not making the gap between me and society.
Isn’t it kind of forcing you to be alone?
Am I okay? I often wondered if I really wanted to be involved with other people and talk with them.
There were many times when I thought to myself, “I’m not really want to be alone.”
I felt that by being alone, I was losing my good qualities and that I might not be able to be the same cheerful character again in the future.
But this is where I realized that I was too glorified in my past.
I am not acknowledging the person I am today.
After repeatedly asking myself the same question, I finally realized the most important thing.
It is “Acknowledging myself.”
For some people, it is easy, but for me, it was very hard.
I have been struggling with not being able to say to myself, “I’m cool.”(like, low self-esteem) And because I used to be able to do it so easily, I didn’t feel like admitting to myself what I am now. The reason why I am timid about all the things I used to be able to do is because, as I mentioned at the beginning, I felt discrimination that I have never experienced in Japan, and I have a wound in my heart that was created by the strong denial from others.
But, I realized something again.
It is that I am much more powerful than I was before.
It is always the people around me that make me realize this. I appreciate that.
People around me talk to me and treat me with love, as if they know I am trying to come out of my shell. And I find myself able to talk to them without the anxiety that I used to have.
Something has changed again.
That’s how I feel today, so this article will be completely my “free-talk.”
The benefits of alone time are:
- You get to know yourself and at the same time you become aware of the small kindnesses of the people around you.
That noticing is amazing because even a casual chat on the street with random people whom you may only see today is truly one of the best events of the day. Even if you don’t go to Disneyland, even if you don’t have anything special to do that day, you feel like you can enjoy life more deeply.
Once I tried to be alone and I succeeded to realize that I wanted so much that I’ve lost control of my desire and approval.
I was lonely without someone to be with.
I want to have friends to hang out with.
I want to party.
I want a girlfriend.
I want to have a sex.
Because I can’t be alone.
I felt like I was forcing myself to be with someone because I didn’t know what I wanted to do.
The result is that I had a loss of confidence and became weak.
That is why I would recommend “alone time” to anyone.
To give yourself time to acknowledge yourself.
By doing that, you will really know clearly how you should treat society and people. I mean, just be yourself without worrying about others. That seems the easiest thing to do, but it is also the hardest.
Is everyone able to do it?
Are you able to be your true self every day?
This is the most important thing in life.
I hope you will try to give yourself a lot of alone time to know and acknowledge who you are and who you want to be.
Have a nice summer vacation.
And Thank you for reading.