After living abroad for some time, you should be used to speaking in English or the local language and have no trouble communicating, but it is not easy to get acquainted with women.

Due to the covid-19, there are many people who used to interact with people at school or at work, but have lost or have less time to relate with people in that way.

Especially for those who have come from different countries to live abroad for a long period of time, there are many people who are worried about relationships and friendships.

I am one of them.

I have tried many different ways to make friends and meet people and girls, so I thought I would write about my experiences.

This article is written for those who are living abroad for a long time.

• Those who are living abroad for a long time and don’t know how to make friends.
• Those who want an American or foreign girlfriend.
• Those who are looking for a serious relationship but are wondering why they are not meeting anyone.

I would like to write this article for these people.

First of all,

It is quite difficult to make girlfriends and friends nowadays, whether abroad or in your home country.

In the past, we had less choice and the number of people we could meet in our lives was more limited than now.

I experienced my first love in junior high school, and the only two chances we had to talk alone were to be brave and wait for a chance meeting on the way home from school, or to call her home appliance where her parents would be waiting for me. I didn’t have time to do the same things to have three or four girls, and also my feelings were strong and straight forward at the time.

If you’ve ever tried Tinder, you might know that if you keep swiping for a while, you’ll find as many cute girls as you see there, and there’s no end to it.

There are so many choices, and when you think that you have a chance to meet people with various income, occupation, and hobbies that you could never meet in your own world around you, it’s hard to imagine that you could ever meet someone like that only for you.

This cannot be a straight path, and feelings can go in one direction and out the other.

So even if you try to search seriously on a matching app, your brain is aware that there are “so many women out there” one after another, and so your response to each of these encounters will be lost.

Even if we are looking for friends, we think we can meet new ones right away again, and sometimes neglect the encounter of the day.

Because of this, the first thing you need to do at the beginning of anything you do is to have a mindset.

Whether you use a matching app such as Tinder, or you go to a café in town and ask someone to meet you (so-called “pick-up”), you need to have the right mindset.

The first step in any kind of encounter is to “live in the moment.”

Whether it is the cashier lady in front of you, a friend you meet today, or someone you may meet tomorrow, focus on the moment.

You have to focus on all people at the moment.

Unless you do this, you will not have a friend or a girlfriend.

I used to not live in the present moment at all, so I was always anxious about something every day, and my mind always wandered during conversations. I now realize that who would love a man like me?

So, “Live in the moment.” Focus on this.

To be aware of “live in the now,” meditate, do weight training, sports, reading, hobbies, or anything else that you can concentrate on and continue without thinking about anything else. Weight training is especially recommended. It will give you even more focus and confidence.

Of course, it’s not all about the muscles to make a girlfriend, but if you can approach a woman with confidence, then you’re good to go! I used to be a thin man and did not do any weight training at all but I talked to women all the time without worrying about it, and the response was not bad.

The most important thing is to be confident in your interactions with them.

Once you have this mind-set, you need to meet people.

I will talk about my experience in California, USA, as my data. So I hope you can imagine a similar place, if not the same place, facilities, and services, and think about it from that point of view with many long-staying men in other countries.

If you can’t talk to the woman in person around town or street then;

• Matching apps: Tinder (not many serious people, but you can date anyway), Tan Tan (lots of Asians, use your best photos to match), Bumble (lots of cute girls, but more for women than men because for that my female friends who use it to meet people).
• Download the Meetup app (free) and go to mingle parties, such as socializing over board games. (To meet women, make sure you go to a gathering for the purpose of meeting. The downside is that the ratio of men is high and quite competitive. You need to have a strong self-confidence. There are other gatherings such as hiking, but I think they are more for making friends and doing habits, so if you want to make friends and not girlfriends, those are also good options too).
• Go to what you like to do some gatherings. For example, for me, I tried going to a salsa or bachata dance class (if you take the same class once a week at the same time, you can always dance with the same people and become friends. I have exchanged numbers with several people, both men and women).
• Use the friend board on ViviNavi (for Japanese). (I have never done this, so I hesitated to write about it, but I have heard from Japanese expatriates that they all use it. If you want a Japanese girlfriend or friend, try posting or joining a gathering yourself).

If you have no problem at all talking to people anywhere outside then;

• Outlet & Shopping Mall (it is easier to talk to people in the outside type outlet malls) or while shopping at Target, try to be a little more enthusiastic. There are quite a few women who seem to be bored or just window shopping. If you pay attention, you will meet someone) Recommendation.
• Amusement parks such as Disney Land are good places to meet people. You often see tourists with just women and the odds of them listening to you are the highest I’ve ever seen. In fact, I have even met a Disney waitress, and it is truly a dreamland, not just for tourists.
• Restaurant and café clerks. Here, too, the probability of meeting them is still high. (The key to success is how much you can focus on her when she is taking your order).

*Avoid stalking behavior in particular. It is not good for your mental health, and if you try and it doesn’t work, give up.

Matching and Meetup apps can be a great way to meet people. If you have never done so, it is a good idea to give it a try. (My personal experience is that serious encounters may be rare, but it depends on the person, so it’s important to give it a try first.)

You can also try talking to girls in restaurants or at checkout counters while shopping, and you may be surprised at how well they respond. Most of the encounters I have had with women in the U.S. have been in this case.

In fact, if you have the right mindset, you will meet them.

Then you can meet anywhere.

You will meet them because your existence is valuable.

If you can focus on the moment, you can cherish the time with the person in front of you or the person you are chatting with right now.

This will be communicated to the other person and will inevitably make them feel better. If you are having trouble meeting the right person, you may be neglecting your partner and focusing on your ego’s desire to meet people and have sex! and I want a girlfriend!. This is what I used to do.

In this state of mind, I am not sure what kind of “a good relationship” I can have.

I would ruin any kind of good relationship.

So, to fix this problem, you need to “live in the moment,” focus on the person in front of you, and treat everyone with a smile, and you will have a much better chance of meeting someone.

It’s really important to increase your opportunities in how and where you meet people.

That is why it is important to have a mindset.

Only after you have this, you will be able to attract a partner in a foreign country that is different from the Japan or countries you are used to living in. The reality is that unless a woman is interested in a person from different countries in the beginning, there is no reason for her to go out of her way to get involved with a foreigner, such as having relationships with international people.

So, you need to show interest in the other person at first.

To do so, it is essential to have a solid mind and mindset that allows you to focus on your partner.

Many men who are active in foreign countries are confident.

I would like to challenge myself more and more and deliver information about my experiences so that many Japanese and people who come from other countries that are active overseas can enjoy their lives and interact with local women more.

Do not rely on the information that outsider’s men are not popular overseas.

Don’t worry about the opinions of a handful of people.

Let’s enjoy our encounters!

Thank you for reading.

Zenjin